Any interest in a dirty jokes board?  I know a joke forum was tried elsewhere, but people felt too restricted there.

Any interest in a dirty jokes board?  I know a joke forum was tried elsewhere, but people felt too restricted there.


People meaning me, heh heh. I'm not sure jokes warrant another board though - the Comedy board was the first sub-board to fold. One thread might be best for jokes...

On an unrelated note, I'm not getting any notifies since the server move.

Ant

Well, everyone knows a joke ain't funny if ain't got a sexual innuendo in it. Go for it!

Okay, here's an old one:

A Priest, a pedophile and a liar walk into a bar....











And that's just the first man.

Ant

Bar jokes are great.

A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

is still a classic.

I like bar jokes as well.

A man walks into a bar. The second man ducks.  :D

Ant

I just thought of something: we need everyone to tell "The Aristocrats" joke with their own spin on it. That's sure to generate some "sick fuck" points, lol.

Ant

Oh man, I think the sickest stuff I've ever read was from that joke. Seriously.

This is the best one I've seen so far:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGVL_reIuJM

I still think Gilbert Gottfried is an annoying assface, but he did a hell of a job on that one.

Ant

Oh man, I think the sickest stuff I've ever read was from that joke. Seriously.


I regret to say I have read far FAR worse than The Aristocrats joke (even Sarah Silverman's version).

Ant

Oh yeah? Seen this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEEF1t_FJOY

Oh yeah? Seen this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEEF1t_FJOY


I have! Really really raunchy.

Ant

I like bar jokes as well.

A man walks into a bar. The second man ducks.  :D

Ant

Bobcat Goldthwait had this as part of his routine: "I don't have any jokes."
Bobcat: "It goes like this...OK, a guy walks into a bar....wait, I screwed it up.  Lemme start over.  OK a guy walks into a bar and he's got a monkey on his shoulder, so the guy orders a drink and the monkey sticks his dick in the drink, and the bartender says....
Like you would need a punchline!
If you saw primate genitalia go into an alcoholic beverage your head would fucking explode. Ahhhhhh! The monkey stuck his dick in the drink!  You'd have to pay the rest of the guys in the bar to follow you for the rest of your life, yeah it really happened, he's telling the truth, the monkey stuck his dick in the drink!

So that's why I don't have any jokes."
:-\

I use the N word here only because the guy who used gets his comeupance in the joke:

So a guy walks into a bar, sits down on a stool and takes a three-inch tall man out of his coat pocket.  The bartender and the other guys say, what the fuck is that? The guy says, this is my friend, he just happens to be three inches tall. 
Can he walk?
Sure, run around this coaster, Bob.
Can he drink?
Sure, Bob loves a single malt!  The bartender gives him a thimble of whiskey.
Can he talk?
Sure! Bob, tell 'em about the time we were in Africa and you called the witch doctor a dumb nigger!

:-X

I use the N word here only because the guy who used gets his comeupance in the joke:

So a guy walks into a bar, sits down on a stool and takes a three-inch tall man out of his coat pocket.  The bartender and the other guys say, what the fuck is that? The guy says, this is my friend, he just happens to be three inches tall. 
Can he walk?
Sure, run around this coaster, Bob.
Can he drink?
Sure, Bob loves a single malt!  The bartender gives him a thimble of whiskey.
Can he talk?
Sure! Bob, tell 'em about the time we were in Africa and you called the witch doctor a dumb nigger!

:-X


That's funny because Bob gets his due from saying what he did.

Ant

Johnny and his father were taking a walk, when Johnny noticed two dogs mating.

Johnny asks his father, "What are those dogs doing?"

"Well they are making puppies," his dad says.

The next day they see the same dogs mating and already Johnny says, "Hey they are making puppies!"

That night Johnny walks in on his parents having sex. Curious, Johnny asks, "What are you two doing?"

"Well we are making you a baby sister," said his dad.

"No no no" yells Johnny, "roll her over and make me some puppies!"

Ant

^ Reminds me of one from 6th grade:

Johnny and his Dad were driving down a country lane, when Johnny points and says, "Hey Dad, look at them dogs, they're fucking!"
Dad says, "They're not fucking, son, they're serving."
A little later Johnny says, "Hey Dad, look at them cows, they're fucking!"
Dad sys, "They're not fucking, son, they're serving."
Later Johnny says, "Hey Dad, look at them horses, they're fucking!"
"Son, for the last time, they're not fucking, they're serving."

Later at dinner, Johnny's mother says to his Dad, "James, will you please serve the turkey."
Johnny says, "Dad, if you stick yer goddamn dick in that bird, I'll shit in the gravy!"
:-\

How can you tell if your roommate is gay?
His dick tastes like shit.

This one at so dirty... but still refers to sex....



I object to all this sex on the television...

I mean, I keep falling off...

(I'll try to remember a dirty one here shortly)

This one at so dirty... but still refers to sex....



I object to all this sex on the television...

I mean, I keep falling off...

(I'll try to remember a dirty one here shortly)

Stroke +1 for a Monty Python joke...even that one!

Stroke +1 for a Monty Python joke...even that one!


I'm still trying to remember a good dirty joke...

I'll have to think for a minute.

Good stuff, guys!

I think 99.9% of all 'dead baby' jokes are lame, predictable and tasteless. Here's the 0.1% that isn't:

Q: "How do you keep a baby from falling through a manhole?"
A: "Shove a javelin through its head".

Still tasteless, but I have to admit I laughed the first time I heard that one.  :-Ant

I'm trying to remember how this one my grandfather did went(it's more of a dirty joke in the form of a song)

It's about a sex fiend of a man... Here's the last half of it.

He'd fuck a duck, he'd fuck a goose
He'd fuck anything that was running loose
When he died, he went to hell
He fucked the devil and he fucked him well
99 little devils ran up the wall saying
Get him daddy before he fucks us all!

Here's a George Carlin one:(Kinda cheesy, but funny and catchy)

Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat
69 assholes tied in a knot
Hooray, lizard shit, fuck!