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Subject: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Tam on 09/01/07 at 12:35 pm

Don't know how long this one will go....
Did you jack up the lyrics to songs? Thought it was what was really sung? Made up your own sexual lyrics?



When I was young, I seriously thought the lyrics to Bryan Adams Cuts Like A Knife were:


"Cocksucker night, oh but it feels so right"
;D

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: whistledog on 09/01/07 at 1:09 pm

I once made up my own lyric to a song, but just one lyric.  I'm not skilled enough to make a whole parody out of it.  The song?  'Funkycoldmedina' by Tone Loc

How Tone Loc sang it - "I asked the guy why you so fly, he said Funkycoldmedina"

how I sing it - "I asked the guy why you so gay, he said fuck me up the cornhole"

;D


Also ...

In the 1985 classic 'Secret' by OMD, the lyric goes "Everyday you comfort me" and of course I thought he was singing "Everyday, you can fuck me"  :-[
If you listen to that song, you will see how I got confused so easily ;D

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: CatwomanofV on 09/01/07 at 1:33 pm

In high school, we used to always sing Queen's "We Will Rock You" as "We Will Fuck You".



Cat

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/01/07 at 1:52 pm

Posting this thread around a bunch of hardcore parodists is like chumming shark infested waters!

i've done it a few times too.

http://www.whatfreaks.com/parody/authors/andrewwoodard.shtml

Remember My Friend of Misery by Metallica?  Mine goes

Sodomy, you insist that the cocks of the world
Be thrust up your asshole!
Sodomy, there's more to sex than dick and pussy.
My friend of sodomy!

or Red Hot Chili Peppers' "My aeroplane."

I like pleasure spiked with pain,
and bondage is my fetish game.
It's my fetish game.
Some folks scream when power's gained,
but bondage is my fetish game.
It's my fetish game.  (pleasure spiked with pain)

Look inside my closet, oh yeah.
You'll find a whip and handcuffs there.
Leather studded collars, and nipple rings and clips,
More kinds of rope than you have seen.
I'm really into B&D.
I'm really into B and D, torture me!

I like pleasure spiked with pain,
and bondage is my fetish game.
It's my fetish game.
Some folks scream when power's gained,
but bondage is my fetish game.
It's my fetish game.  (pleasure spiked with pain)

DocWoody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: BrotherFalco on 09/02/07 at 4:59 am

I like the Eagles-

"Lookin' for a lover who won't blow my brother..."-Take It Easy

The FYC-

"Please the Pope."-Please Don't Go

And my personal favorite:
"I was raised by two lesbians in a douchebag..."-Jumping Jack Flash

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: LukesEvilTwin on 09/02/07 at 5:48 am



In the 1985 classic 'Secret' by OMD, the lyric goes "Everyday you comfort me" and of course I thought he was singing "Everyday, you can fuck me"  :-[
If you listen to that song, you will see how I got confused so easily ;D
From now on I'm gonna pretend that the lyric to any song with "comfort me" in it actually says "come fuck me"  ;D

"Reach out through gathered storms Faithfully come fuck me"
What have we become Could you come fuck me, come fuck me"
"come fuck me, and I'll come fuck you too."
etc..

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: whistledog on 09/02/07 at 11:04 pm

That 80s Irish classic 'The Whole of the Moon' by The Waterboys.  It originally goes like this ...

"Flag, rags, ferry boats, scimitars and scarves
Every precious dream and vision underneath the stars
You climbed on the ladder with the wind in your sails
You came like a comet blazing your trail
Too high, too far, too soon
you saw the whole of the moon!"


What I hear ...

"Fags, rags, every hoe, all the bitches scars
Every pleasure, dream and pisshole underneath your arse
You climbed on my bladder with the wind up your tail
You came like a cummer, without a fail
Too high, to fuck, too soon
you saw the hole in my moon!"


:D

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/03/07 at 8:42 am


Andrew, you REALLY need to finish that RHCP parody. One, it looks great so far, and two, I detest the original.

Ant


I dedicate this one to Dolphin, Dark Ant's wife, who became my muse when dressed as Officer Miranda Rites.

"Fetish Game"
A parody of "Aeroplane" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
by Andrew Woodard (Doc Woody)

I like pleasure spiked with pain and bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Some folks scream when power’s gained, but bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game
Pleasure spiked with pain,
That lovely pleasure’s always spiked with pain.

Look inside my closet (hey girl),
You’ll find a whip and handcuffs there,
Leather studded collars,
And nipple rings and clips,
More kinds of rope than you have seen,
Sadomasochistic treasure,
Sadomasochistic treasure,
I’m really into B&D,
I’m really into B and D (torture me!),

I like pleasure spiked with pain and bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Some folks scream when power’s gained, but bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Pleasure spiked with pain,
That lovely pleasure’s always spiked with pain,

In my mistress’ dungeon (Yes, Ma’am),
I'm gagged and bound from head to toe,
Waiting for my lesson,
Submission and respect,
That’s what I’m going to learn today,
What is that funky toy I see?
What is that funky toy I see?
She’s using electricity,
She’s using electricity, lucky me!

I like pleasure spiked with pain and bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Some folks scream when power’s gained, but bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
pleasure spiked with pain,

Just one stroke could get me stoked,
Could make me want to play,
Flog and poke, then lightly choke,
She’ll own my ass today!
Leather top and riding crop,
Her love is sweet with spite,
Say “bellhop,” it makes her stop,
We’re finished for the night.

I like pleasure spiked with pain and bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Some folks scream when power’s gained, but bondage is my fetish game,
It's my fetish game,
Pleasure spiked with pain,

(my fetish game, my fetish game, my fetish game, my fetish game)
<bass solo>
...it's my fetish game..(x8)..<repeat till fade>

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Dolphin on 09/04/07 at 7:45 pm

HEY ANDREW! Thanks for the parody ;D I liked it very , much very well written. I'm not one for very many words, but, thank you for choosing me as your muse 8)

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/04/07 at 8:55 pm

OMD: Secret

Actual lyric:
"Everyday you're always there,
You comfort me and make me feel
it's worth my while."

Sounded like:
"Everyday you're always there,
You can't fuck me and make me feel
it's worth my while!"

Hall and Oates: Maneater
Actual lyrics:
"She-cat tamed by the purr of jag-u-ar"

Sounded like
"She can turn by the pub and jack you off!"

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 09/04/07 at 9:12 pm


I'm downloading that now so I can see if I hear that one!

Max, you should do a parody of that song called "Man Hater" about Ann Vulture.

Ant




Chucky wouldn't let me post "jack you off"* on the other board. 
;)

Look at that lyric.  Dubious phraseology at best.  What did Daryl Hall think we were going to think?

Though there was Prince:

Soft and Wet b/w Jac U Off

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Matthias on 09/04/07 at 9:34 pm

"Made The Lyrics Sexual" would make for a great "Simply Irresistible" parody

Hell... I might work on that one

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/05/07 at 6:57 am


"Made The Lyrics Sexual" would make for a great "Simply Irresistible" parody

Hell... I might work on that one


Great idea!  It could be an anthem for all perverted parodists.

Ant and Dolphin - my favorite line of the whole song is "Her love is sweet with spite."  Sort of sums up BDSM in a single sentence, eh?  (if "pleasure spiked with pain" doesn't do that already, but those aren't my words)

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Tam on 09/05/07 at 5:47 pm

Open Arms - Journey

Open Legs

Now i come to you, with open legs
Hoping you'll see
The insides of me
Open legs

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/06/07 at 7:07 am

I've got an idea that is sure to get me stroked multiple times... :D

I'll turn "Bette Davis Eyes" into "Bettie Page's Thighs"

"...she's sumptuous, and voluptuous,
and she shook that thang right up to us..."

There's also the Culture Club classic:

"Kama Kama Kama Kama Kama chameleon,
You stroke and poke, you stroke and poke..."

hey, that would be a good sig, no?

DocWoody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/06/07 at 7:58 pm

I'm determined to spam this thread with every parody I can think of ;-)


"When You Bop," by Andrew Woodard
Parody of "At the Hop" by Danny & The Juniors 

Well, you can suck it, you can bite it,
You can twist it, you can tie it when you bop.
When the record starts a spinnin'
You start pumpin' and a grinnin' when you bop.
Feel the good sensations that go with masturbation when you bop.

Ah, let's go home and bop.
Come with me and bop. (oh baby)
Let's go home and bop. (oh baby)
Come with me and bop.
Come on, let's go home and bop.

Well, you can lube it, you can grease it,
You can really start to please it when you bop.
Put "whack off" on your to-do list.
Cause orgasms are the coolest when you bop.
You don't need to boff, cause you can get your rocks off, when you bop!
Let's go!

Ah, let's go home and bop.
Come with me and bop. (oh baby)
Let's go home and bop. (oh baby)
Come with me and bop.
Come on, let's go home and bop.

You better close the door, you betcha,
Never let your mama catch ya when you bop.
If you think about your sister,
Just imagine that you fist her when you bop.
Makes you feel so manly, keepin' it in the family when you bop.

So you're feelin' nice and calm,
But now you've gotta shave your palm because you bopped.
And you might be goin' blind,
You're havin' trouble readin' signs because you bopped.
Even kings and princes gotta face consequences when they bop.
Oh No!

Ah, let's go home and bop.
Come with me and bop. (oh baby)
Let's go home and bop. (oh baby)
Come with me and bop.
Come on, let's go home and bop.

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/06/07 at 8:01 pm


Open Arms - Journey

Open Legs

Now i come to you, with open legs
Hoping you'll see
The insides of me
Open legs


Cute, Tam ;-)  I don't know much Journey, as I didn't have a pop culture awakening until about 1988, but I wanted to give you props anyway!

-Woody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/06/07 at 8:16 pm

Although I don't know "Tiny Dancer", the parody looks so random and nonsensical I'm sure it's fantastic.  I can imagine it's just close enough to the real lyrics to convince Buckwheat or Bill D. Cat that it's the real thing.  At any rate I'll reciprocate the stroke :-)

Woody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/06/07 at 9:09 pm

I am on a serious roll here... this was written completely within the last hour! ;-)


"Purple Pecker Sucker" by Andrew Woodard
A parody of "Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley

Well I saw the thing comin' out of space,
It had a real big mouth and a real big face.
I commenced to shakin' and I said "ooh-weee,"
It looks like a purple pecker sucker to me!

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple pecker sucker,
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple pecker sucker)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple pecker sucker,
Sure looked perverted to me!

Well he came down to earth and he got in my bed.
I said "Mr. Purple Pecker sucker, ten for some head."
He stared at me, sayin' "Look here punk,
You're not payin' nothin' cause I'm down with your junk."

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple pecker sucker,
One-eyed, one-horned flyin' purple pecker sucker,
One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple pecker sucker,
Sure looked perverted to me!

I said "Mr. Purple Pecker Sucker, what's your game?"
He said "It's suckin' purple pecker heads until they came."
But that's not the reason that he came to land;
He said "I wanna get blown by a homosexual man!"

Well bless my soul, gay homo, flamin' purple pecker sucker.
Adolescent, post-pubescent, flamin' purple pecker sucker.
(He wears short shorts)
Richard Simmons' pecker sucker,
Sure looked perverted to me!

And then he jumped out of bed and he ran down the street.
Started lookin' for hustlers that would gobble his meat.
He found a toothless drifter who could scratch his itch,
Shoutin' "Smack, slap, who's your daddy, own you, bitch!"

Well bless my soul, gay homo, flamin' purple pecker sucker.
Adolescent, post-pubescent, flamin' purple pecker sucker.
(He wears short shorts)
Richard Simmons' pecker sucker,
Sure looked perverted to me!

And then he went on his way, and then what do ya know?
I saw him last night in an S&M show.
He was dommin' the subs, makin' asses all red,
Givin' prostate exams with the horn in his head!

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Matthias on 09/06/07 at 9:35 pm

Here's my parody of Styx's "Lady"
Titled "Horny"

HORNY!
Damn your body’s beguiling
Give you all my cock!
Your hands
Make me stiff when you’re squeezing
Just fuck me
And my drool will dry

BABY!
Wow! Your knockers are so huge!
Bouncing… I moan
Concave, Ride your butt I have pleaded
So hot!
Sure you’re wild on my bone

I’m so HORNY!
You’re my porn queen
Behind in my eyes
Suck my cock it’s lovely
I’m so horny!

HORNY!
Turns me on with her pussy
Face first into her boobs
Kneeling when my pants lay below me
Just squirting out the rest of the lube

I’m so HORNY!
Want some scoring
My vine’s a huge size
Fucking! Yells so loudly
I’m so horny!

HORNY!
Cave exploring
Cum shoots on your thighs
Cock ring round and kinky
I’m so… HORNY!!!!!!!!!

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/07/07 at 6:33 am

Excellent work, Matthias!  You get your first A as a sex student ;-)

Woody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/08/07 at 1:02 am

Nobody is safe from my corruption... not even adorable little Simba from the Lion King!

 
"I Just Can't Wait To Get Laid" by Andrew Woodard
Parody of "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from Disney's "The Lion King"

Simba's lines in blue
Zazu's lines in red
Chorus lines in black


I'm gonna be a sex machine,
So ladies pay your fares!
I've never seen a sex machine
With such few pubic hairs!


I'm gonna be the main event
The best lay in the land.
Ladies lining up so they can
Feel a potent man.

They say sex gods are born, not that they're made.
Oh, I just can't wait to get laid!

No one saying too young,..........
No one saying too soon,............
I'll be really well hung,................
I'll be gettin' all the poon!............
Bumpin' uglies all damn day,....
Spunkin' till I hit the hay!

I think it's time that you and I
Arranged a heart-to-heart

Studs don't need advice
From impotent men or old farts.

If this is where this generation is headed
Count me out!
Out of brothels, no more prostitutes,
I wouldn't whip it out!
Can no one stop this sexual tirade?

Oh, I just can't wait to get laid!

Everybody look north
Everybody look south
Everywhere you look I'm--
Cumming in a chick's mouth!

Not yet

Send warning calls to every virgin maid,
Steer clear of him or else you will get played,
He's gonna have it made in the shade,


Oh, I just can't wait to get laid!
Oh, he just can't wait to get laid!
Oh, I just can't wait...
Just can't wait
To get laid!

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Matthias on 09/08/07 at 2:17 am

My next parody will be a parody of Simon and Garfunkle's "Feeling Groovy" titled "Bumping Uglies"

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/20/07 at 11:02 am

Nothing like bumping this thread with a fresh Doc Woody parody!

this time the victim is Reba McEntire's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia."  So here I give you:

The Night the Nuns Put Out in Georgia

Down in Macon, Georgia on April Fools,
At old St. Joseph's Catholic School,
The biggest prank in history was gonna go down.
A couple of chicks and a couple of dudes
Thought their teachers were way too prude,
And said "It's about time that they all got around."

So they went and got some ginger root,
Ground rhino horn and oyster juice,
And threw in some Spanish Fly to make it just right.
It was an aphrodisiac like none else.
It'd raise the wood on Christ himself,
And they went to spike the Communion wine that night.

Chorus:

That's the night that the nuns put out in Georgia.
That's the night that they laid a celibate man.
Don't trust the well where they draw that holy water.
Cause the pervs in the school have cum stains on their hands.

"Amen," said Father Stanley Roth,
He fixed his collar and he donned the cloth.
It was Easter Sunday and he was leadin' Midnight Mass.
He passed the plate and he poured the wine,
Then before too long, he was feeling fine
And he found himself checkin' out a parishioner's ass.

Then he shot a glance at the Mother Superior.
Her eyes were glued on to his posterior.
They both forgot about their holy vows.
"Lord, we'll say a thousand Hail Marys,
But we've just got to pop our cherries!
The devil's inside us, and we're really aroused."

The whole damn church got down to strippin'
From the love concoction they'd been sippin'
And they played Mardi Gras with the rosary beads.
Everyone's a boinkin' like sex-deprived lovers,
But no one thought to bring any rubbers,
Cause that's a sin, but people still have their needs.

Chorus:

That's the night that the nuns put out in Georgia.
That's the night that they laid a celibate man.
Don't trust the well where they draw that holy water.
Cause the pervs in the school have cum stains on their hands

Well we hit confession the very next day,
But there's one thing we just couldn't say,
'Bout the orgy-causing deeds that we had done.
The altar boys kneel down to receive,
Cause the nuns are all on maternity leave,
And we might go to Hell, but it sure was fun!

Chorus:

That's the night that the nuns put out in Georgia
That's the night that they laid a celibate man
Don't trust the well where they draw that holy water.
Cause the pervs in the school have cum stains on their hands

That's the night that the nuns put out in Georgia
That's the night that they laid a celibate man
Don't trust the well where they draw that holy water.
Cause the pervs in the school have cum stains on their hands


In nomina patri, filli, et espiritu sancti,
Doc Woody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Suq Madiq on 09/20/07 at 8:38 pm

Thanks to a friend of mine I can't get through Duran Duran's "All She Wants Is" without adding some words:


All...she...wants...is...MY DICK

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/22/07 at 9:13 am




"Straight up my asshole, are you really gonna fuck me forever, oh-oh-oh, or am I caught in a "hit and cum"".

Ant


Here, I'll help along with this parody. 

Are you all that you seem?  You play hide and cream
With your huge erections.
If orgasm's all you seek, not between my cheeks!
A bye, bye-bye bye, bye, bye-bye, bye-bye....

Please stimulate me (please stimulate me)
Oh, oh, please stimulate me (please stimulate me)
Do me baby!

I've been used before, wouldn't like to get a wad shot in my crappin' door,
Are you really hot for me, or am I just a place to spread your seed,
I don't mean to make demands, but you can get your rocks off in your hands,
How about some stimulation please?


OK Ant, your turn!
Woody

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/23/07 at 8:21 am


;D


"Straight up my asshole, are you gonna fuck me forever, oh-oh-oh, or am I caught in a "hit and cum"".



This line also needs a second to complete the couplet:

Straight up my asshole, will we ever put cock and cunt together? (Oh oh oh)
Or do you just want my bum?

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/23/07 at 8:34 am


This appears to be the making of a rare whatfreaks collaboration.  ;D

Ant


I like the sound of that!

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: DocWoody on 09/27/07 at 3:59 pm

"When I Spread Her" by Doc Woody
Parody of "The Letter" performed by Joe Cocker


I got a problem's been doggin' me.
I can't go down on my girl, you see.
I'd rather stick my tongue
In a heaping pile of dung.
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.

I don't care how much money I got to spend.
This odor problem has got to end.
Lord knows how long
This thing's been going on,
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.

Whenever I spread her,
It smells like anchovies and albacore.
And it's gettin' so bad that I'm thinkin' of walkin'
Right out the door.
Anyway

Tried Summer's Eve and then Massengil.
Used Monistat plus some Vagisil.
Even after all that junk,
She still smells like a skunk,
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.

Solo

Whenever I spread her,
It smells like anchovies and albacore.
And it's gettin' so bad that I'm thinkin' of walkin'
Right out the door.
Anyway

She's got a fungus, I'm tellin' you.
It looks all spotty and fuzzy too.
She's so fuckin' disgustin'
I'm no longer lustin'.
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.

My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.
My baby's cunt smells when I spread her.

Subject: Re: You made the lyrics sexual!!!

Written By: Step-chan on 11/05/07 at 6:23 pm

Here's a partial one from the Nirvana specialist:

(Goes to Rape Me... Should have seen that one coming)

Fuck Me, fuck me my friend
Suck me, suck me again....

I want to drain my balls...
Ah... I want to drain my balls...

That's about all I have to it.(Could make into a complete parody for submission)

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